A Softer Reflection

The signs were there from the beginning; repetitive behaviours, preferring my own company, trouble making friends, and doing well in school despite hating the rigidity of it all. Later came my bafflement at the social ease of my peers, my struggling to follow arbitrary rules, and my generally feeling like an alien who’d been dropped…

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On Spite

Since the moment I was capable of self-reflection, I’ve thought of myself as a world-champion grudge holder. There are individuals and events going back decades that I’ve neither forgiven nor forgotten. I hold onto these like the precious gems of knowledge they are – little diamond lessons of pain and betrayal that won’t be repeated.…

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Deprogramming

Over the past few years, I’ve been disentangling myself from capitalism’s insidious grip. It’s not an easy process, and it’s not something I’ll complete within my lifetime, but I still find it’s worth doing. I will preface by saying that I’m approaching this from a place of immense privilege. I’m self-employed and I have no…

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On Exhaustion

I am tired of wilful ignorance. For a long time it was on the periphery, hanging about the margins at a distance I could tolerate. A little cutesy sexism where a man pretends to love the woman he disrespects for a laugh, or the fool on Fox News trying to convince me that Nelson Mandela…

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On the Loss of Integrity

I’ve lost my integrity. It’s been a gradual process, a slow chipping away over the last few years, but today I’m feeling the damage. I’m functioning as well as can be expected, but I’m not sure how much longer I can carry on. My moral compass is as strong as ever, reinforced by my determination…

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Farewell 2021

My No Resolutions Policy continues, and I’m sad to report there weren’t many accomplishments, either. 2021 was a year of Mondays and I’m not sad to see the back of it. The best I can say is that I’m still here. My immediate family is healthy. My business is still alive. And I managed to…

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On Grief

I’ve come to the conclusion that grief is a state of being rather than an emotion. This is based on the fact that I’ve always been quite good at controlling my emotions, but for the past couple of months I’ve been unpredictable and unsteady. I forget important daily tasks. I burst into tears without provocation.…

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Staying Cool in Heatwave

Having grown up in south Alabama, I’m no stranger to hot weather. I was lucky enough to have air conditioning most of the time, but on the occasions when I didn’t, I used a few tricks to stay cool. I hope these tips help you to stay comfortable as the mercury climbs. Keep your feet…

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Attrition

It’s been a hard couple of weeks. Rhett, the male bird from our bonded pair, died and left Debra to look after two very demanding babies on her own. I’m trying my best to help her, but I don’t possess the skills needed to feed them. I have been handling them daily to give her…

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A Change of Circumstance

I was cleaning the aviary yesterday and was a bit careless with the door. Rhett flew away. I tried not to panic because I knew both Debra and their eggs were still in the aviary, and that he’d be back. I left the door open and kept a close eye on it. A few hours…

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Goodbye 2020

As I’ve said many times, I don’t do resolutions. I prefer instead to look back over the year to see what I’ve accomplished. 2020 was rough, and the accomplishment I’m most proud of is being here at the end of it. My business is still alive (for now – Boris is doing his best to…

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Moving Forward

I won’t waste time telling you that the deal the UK has negotiated with the EU is awful. There are plenty of experts about to do that, and if there is one thing I’ve learned in the 4.5 years since the referendum, it’s that no one cares what I think. My fifteen years experience as…

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Making Peace with Disaster

As an exporter, the dangers of Brexit were glaringly obvious to me well before the referendum. And for years after that awful result, I did all I could to warn of the coming disaster – blogging, TV and radio appearances, newspaper interviews. Whenever I tried to warn others of the impending shitstorm, I was often…

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