On Exhaustion

I am tired of wilful ignorance. For a long time it was on the periphery, hanging about the margins at a distance I could tolerate. A little cutesy sexism where a man pretends to love the woman he disrespects for a laugh, or the fool on Fox News trying to convince me that Nelson Mandela…

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On the Loss of Integrity

I’ve lost my integrity. It’s been a gradual process, a slow chipping away over the last few years, but today I’m feeling the damage. I’m functioning as well as can be expected, but I’m not sure how much longer I can carry on. My moral compass is as strong as ever, reinforced by my determination…

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Farewell 2021

My No Resolutions Policy continues, and I’m sad to report there weren’t many accomplishments, either. 2021 was a year of Mondays and I’m not sad to see the back of it. The best I can say is that I’m still here. My immediate family is healthy. My business is still alive. And I managed to…

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On Grief

I’ve come to the conclusion that grief is a state of being rather than an emotion. This is based on the fact that I’ve always been quite good at controlling my emotions, but for the past couple of months I’ve been unpredictable and unsteady. I forget important daily tasks. I burst into tears without provocation.…

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Moving Forward

I won’t waste time telling you that the deal the UK has negotiated with the EU is awful. There are plenty of experts about to do that, and if there is one thing I’ve learned in the 4.5 years since the referendum, it’s that no one cares what I think. My fifteen years experience as…

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Checking In

It’s been exactly a month since I rang my warehouse manager at 7am to tell her I didn’t think we could continue safely working as a team. We took the decision to keep staff at home and advised everyone to stay put. I ran payroll early, paid everyone through the end of the month, and…

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Snow Globes

I’ve sat down to write so many times since the lockdown began, but nothing materialises. Even though the universe has grabbed the small, settled snow globe of my life and given it a good shake, I can see quite clearly that my position is one of privilege. The steps my family took to prepare for…

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Curing Consumption

As a teen of the 80s, I grew up under the mistaken impression that status was defined by material possessions – an odd assumption considering my parents weren’t overly materialistic (although, now that I think about it, every closet, cupboard, and cabinet seemed to be stuffed with rarely-used items). There were no school uniforms where…

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Radicalised

Off grid. It’s a scary concept for some, but for people like me, it’s an aspiration. Imagine living a self-sufficient life and no longer being beholden to ‘the man’. It sounds quite hippy-trippy-60s anti-establishment, but there is great appeal in disentangling oneself from the clutches of societal expectations. To truly live off grid means digging…

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Great On-Line Grocers

Living in the country has its benefits. The air is clean and fresh, there is loads of space between houses, and life tends to move at a slower pace. I lived in Glasgow for a few years and really loved it, but I have to say that country life suits me better. But living out…

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The Sugar Seesaw

I’m off sugar at the moment. I say ‘at the moment’ because I’ve done this several times over the years but I’ve never managed to make it stick. I’m an addict. And as someone who successfully quit smoking cold turkey after two tries, that’s saying something. Sugar is impossible. I can’t stay away. Part of…

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Happy Things

I’ve decided to semi-retire. I’m not needed at the office the way I was and I can afford to work less, so why not? While my staff works a twenty-three hour week, I now work a twelve. So far I’m enjoying my free time, and I feel a lot less stressed about things. With all…

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